Teresa’s story: the ex-porn star

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I was born into a loving family that had no religion, no belief in God, and no faith in even the power of the human mind. Both my parents believed that life was a case of random chance and that when you die, that’s it!

As I approached my teenage years I became quite rebellious. My parents didn’t really know all that I was getting up to, and by the age of 14 I was a real wild child. I didn’t listen to my parents when they tried to steer me away from danger, because I assumed they didn’t know what they were talking about. In my heart I always knew there was a ‘creator’, I just didn’t know him yet. I was always sure He was there – somewhere – and I desperately wanted to meet and know Him.

I left home on my 16th birthday so I could live by my own rules. By the age of 17 I had started modelling, and I met my husband to be, Scott. We quickly fell madly in love. We had similar upbringings, yet we both found ourselves searching for the truth. Meanwhile, barely a year had gone by, and I had gone from portrait model, to glamour model, to soft porn model.

By the time I was 21, I was a fully fledged girl/girl professional porn star with my own show on adult television! Neither Scott nor myself thought that what we were doing was wrong. We assumed that because we were not hiding anything and it was all out in the open, that it was absolutely fine. But during all the time I was working as a porn star and modelling, my husband and I were still searching earnestly for the truth about God.

‘Work’ was going well and I could pick and choose what I wanted to do, I was loving life and having a great time. Then in November 1999, something very awesome, amazing, and life changing happened to both me and Scott – together, at the same time.

We had recently been reading John’s Gospel together, and were very excited by it, it seemed to point to the truth we were looking for. One day after I’d finished work, and Scott had finished uploading my new pics to our website, we decided it was time to chill out.

We were listening to The Beatles Anthology but something strange began to happen as the last song (Across The Universe) started to play. That version of the song begins with the sound of wings on water and as we heard it, we simultaneously had a vision. We slipped into some kind of ‘waking dream’ (I must this had never happened to us before or since and we’ve listened to it loads of times). We were both somehow taken to another place, even though physically we were still in our living room and could still hear the music.

We were surrounded by beautiful green rolling hills and we were meandering along a colourful path.. In the distance on top of a summit was a man in white, he was talking to lots of people on the other side of it. We couldn’t see the people but we knew they were there. We were uncontrollably drawn to the man speaking. As we got to him, he was now at the foot of the hill and he greeted us both, welcoming us. As he did this, the hill behind him opened up into total blackness. The next moment, we were face to face with Jesus.

We looked into His eyes, and they were like the burning sun. They were burning with love, not anger. We somehow, in that moment, knew beyond any doubt that Jesus and the God we had searched for were One. It was like we were literally washed in his love, drowned in it if you will.

Then moments later, our awareness shifted again and we were both back in our room, sat on our chairs, neither of us able to speak. We sobbed uncontrollably for about 20 minutes, whilst we took in the awesome magnitude of what just happened to us. Slowly, from that day to this, as we have walked with Jesus in our lives, He has been changing us. He removes all the bad from your life, cutting bits off here and there and shaping you into a better person. But it doesn’t always happen over night. I remained in the sex industry in one way or another for another 10 years after this experience!

God’s ways are gentle and He led me out step by step, without any condemnation. Today I can say that I am free from the sex industry and I have peace in my heart. Many people have asked us if we were on drugs at the time that we shared the vision (understandably!), and I can honestly tell you we were not. I’m not saying I’ve led a drug free past, but we hadn’t had so much as a coffee that day! The truth is, drugs do not take you from a life going in the wrong direction, to a better and better place, a life more fulfilled and wholesome, they do the exact opposite.

Every day I’m aware of His presence in my life and I have to be honest when I say that it is not a religion that I follow, even though I am 100% Christian, but a relationship that my faith is built upon. If an ex-porn star with no qualifications, coming from a poor place, can be brought into a life that is joyful, victorious, and with a clarity about who I am before the true God, then anyone can. You can.

Is God real? Absolutely. He has changed my life.

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